The Prayer
by Shinylane1.2
Summary: He'd never been a man with faith, but he was desperate enough to try anything to keep her alive. Even if it meant talking to someone he'd never believed in. Post 3x24 in the hospital.


**Hi all! I haven't written a fanfiction in a few months, and I figured that one needed to be written, especially after such a great season finale like that one!**

**PRAYER**

Sweaty hands, cold feet.

A mind clouded with so many thoughts, and not enough energy to suss through them.

_'If it was me lying there, Castle, would you just walk away?'_

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and all the memories flooded back into his head.

_'Kate, I love you. I love you Kate.'_

And then, no matter how much he confessed or how much he wished, she was gone.

He hadn't seen her since they hurriedly loaded her in the back of the ambulance. That was almost four hours ago. He tried not to think about it, that only made him even more nervous- as if being '_more nervous'_ was possible.

The whole group waited in the waiting room with him, talking quietly and comforting each other. They had tried to do the same with him but he couldn't do it. Alexis even sat closely next to him, holding tightly to his arm, hoping to help. But he didn't want any of that, he just wanted to be alone.

So they let him be.

He sat hunched over, elbows resting on either knee, digging painfully into his thy. But he didn't mind that it hurt so much, ever since they reached the hospital, his whole body had gone numb, and his mind raced with another worry popping into his thoughts every few seconds. He was too distracted to feel physical pain other than the intense ache in his chest.

What if it hit her heart?

What if she's paralyzed?

What if she's dead? God forbid. Or anything like that. He let his face fall limp in his hands, sighing heavily as another thought entered his head. The one that he kept going back to since it all started. It lingered obsessively in his mind and no matter what anyone else told him, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

What if I had been faster?

He had tried. Everyone knew it too. He saw the reflection in the distance, he knew something was up. Yet he still stared at it for a few more seconds until it hit him: _sniper_. _Beckett. Kate. Lockwood._

Those few seconds would've been enough to push her, at least enough out of the way so she could dodge it all together. Even if it had hit him. He would've loved to take that bullet for her, anything was better than this.

_This is all my fault._ He repeated in his mind over and over again. The days leading up to the funeral had been so stressful, he had been so tired and his mind wasn't as sharp as it could've been. As it should've been.

_I should've saved her. _

He'd tried explaining himself to Jim, the one who had told him to not to let Kate waste her life. But her father didn't blame him.

_"Rick, Katie's been fighting this for years, everything she's been over has led her up to this point. I don't blame you, nobody does, not even Katie."_

Esposito and Ryan had tried as well, with Lanie interjecting every few seconds.

_"Castle, you did save her. Nobody noticed the sniper in the distance except for you. Not a one of us during that ceremony saw this coming."_

_"Yeah Bro, you saved her from the second shot."_

_"Second shot?" he asked._

_"Yeah." Lanie spoke softly, "The sniper fired twice, the second one went off right as you tackled her to the ground." Through the chaos he hadn't even notice a second shot fired. _

_Still, he looked down, hating himself._

_"Castle," Lanie grabbed his hand as squeezed it, "Nobody blames you. Don't blame yourself." She paused, grabbing his other hand. "Richard Castle, look at me right now." She demanded, not speaking again until he was giving her his full attention, looking at her straight in the eye. "I swear, there is not a person alive that holds you responsible for what happened this morning."_

But Lanie was wrong. There was one person other than himself who hated him for what happened.

Josh.

Castle felt he needed to tell the surgeon himself, so he tried finding him at the hospital. It turned out Josh had already gotten the call from a nurse about his girlfriend, and he was waiting for Castle at the entrance of the hospital.

_"What the hell happened?" He yelled._

_Castle slowed his pace, seeing the fire in Josh's eyes. "I-uhmm..." he began, clearing his throat as he got closer._

_"You uhhh..." he mocked before starting his rant, "You were supposed to protect her." he poked Castle on his shoulder._

_"I know, I tried but-" he began, refusing eye contact._

_"You tried? YOU TRIED? That's not good enough. You're supposed to be there for her when she needs it. But you weren't. You were late! And now, who knows what's going to happen."_

_"You really don't think I haven't been through this in my own head already?" Castle said softly._

_"I hope you have!" Josh barked._

_"At least I was there!" He finally snapped, clenching his teeth tightly. Castle's anger was now all in his deep, harsh voice, and his glaring eyes. "I may not have been able to connect the dots fast enough to push her out of the way, but at least I was there. At least I've been there."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"Oh don't play dumb. Her boss, mentor and friend gets shot down a hero and you couldn't find the time in your schedule to comfort her during his funeral? Maybe if you had, you could've seen the sniper reflection before me and pushed her out of the way. It's unlikely, but if you'd shown up like a real boyfriend would've done, at least there would've been a chance you could've saved her."_

That had sent the doctor on another rant that Castle ignored. It took almost a full two minutes of shouting for the 'boyfriend' to storm off. Leaving what seemed the entire hospital extremely silent.

As much as he hated Josh for being in the way for so long, he still felt the responsibility deep within his own heart.

"I should've been faster." he mumbled pathetically aloud.

Another hour later, a doctor came out of the hospital waiting room doors, approaching them.

_"She's stable." he had said, "But the surgery didn't go as we as she planned. If she wakes up tonight, she should be fine, but if it takes her longer, we might need to put her back into surgery."_

_"Can we see her?" Lanie begged. It took some convincing from them all before the doctor agreed._

_"Okay, but one at a time, and not for too long. We don't want to jeopardize her recovery."_

Naturally, Jim went first, although they were only allowed five minutes in the room. After he came out, Castle insisted Josh go in since he was the boyfriend, but the man was nowhere to be seen.

_"It's your turn, Castle." Ryan said._

_"I haven't known her as long as you all have. Maybe one of you should go next." He opposed._

_"No." Esposito sternly disagreed. "You don't need to know her longer Castle, you're the one she's gonna wanna see next. Ryan's right. Go."_

So now, Castle was in her room. He shut the door quietly although he was unable to move from his spot by the door. She was scaring him. Her pale face and the dark circles underneath her eyes. Kate Beckett wasn't one to ever look vulnerable, but she certainly did now, and he didn't like it. The hospital gown hung loosely against her body. She'd definitely lost weight, her strong stature was now destroyed.

It took one of his five minutes before he could even get somewhat close to her bed. Another minute just to grab her hand. But once he did and felt its coldness, he didn't have the heart to let go and flee. He sat down in the seat he assumed Jim Beckett had pulled up previously.

He tried to speak to her, to let her know he was right there, but talking to her seemed too weird. He had to talk to someone else. Someone higher who could actually listen to him and possibly help her.

Castle recalled when he was eight and his babysitter forced him to go to a church ceremony in hopes that it would cure the boys destructive tendencies. Castle was bored throughout the whole sermon, but he did happen to listen to one of the things the pastor guy had said.

'God will never forsake you. He wants to help you, and all you have to do is ask.'

Rick had thought it was pointless, almost laughing out loud right then and there in front of all those people.

But now, he couldn't help but wonder. He had done everything in his power for her, and if this really was the thing that would help, he had to try.

Slowly, he pushed back the chair and got on his knees. The hard tile floor hurt his knee caps, but he paid little attention to it. He clasped his two big hands together with hers in between them in hope to warm her up.

He opened his mouth to speak, trying to remember how all the movies started out prayers.

"Dear Lord." He began aloud, eyes watering. There was a hint of hesitancy in his voice as he spoke, yet he carried on, "I don't think I've ever prayed to you before. I know I use your name in vain quite a bit, so that probably didn't score me too many Heaven points. That is if I have any points at all that'll get me into Heaven. I'm sorry for all of the wrong I've done, I'm sure the list goes on longer than most peoples." He sighed. He paused for a few seconds, allowing himself some time to regroup, "If you're really up there and listening to me, please hear me out no matter how much I'm damned to hell or how much you hate me. This prayer isn't for me, it's for her. You know who I'm talking about, one of the most special ones you've ever made. I know you probably know what's best better than I do, but please, please help me. I need help, I can't do this on my own. I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right. I've done all can do, besides pushing her out of the way in time in the first place."

The quietness of the hospital room scared him. No one else was talking except for him, there was no reply as he poured his soul out to some higher force he'd never believe existed.

"Can you hear me? Is the reception up there okay? Can you see her here with me? Please, if you can hear me, just make her better. Keep her alive for me. There's so much I haven't said to her and so much we still need to do together. I know I was years late in telling her I love her, but I just need more time... please. I'm trying to be strong for her, but the one who she needs right now is you."

The room was still dead quiet, only the machines huffed every few moments to prove to him that she was still there.

"This is crazy." he shook his head. There was not reluctance as he spoke anymore. He let it all escape out of him, even if it was just a chance at getting her back. "I'm so tired, God. And I'm so scared. I've never been so scared in my life for someone. Please, help me here. This is the only thing I'll ever ask for again, I promise I'll never bug you again. You see, she's not just anyone... she's the one that I'm supposed to be with.

"Am I getting through to you tonight? Please don't let her slip away from me. Let me know you're there, please... I love her."

He dropped his head, letting it hit the hospital mattress by her feet. He could hardly contain himself, the tears were unstoppable now, too powerful for him.

It was at that moment, that he felt a weak squeeze on the other end of his tight hold on her hand. He rose his head, the sobs quieting.

"Kate?" he pleaded.

There was another tight clutch from her hand. He hopped up, messily pulling the chair as close to the side of the bed as he could. He brushed her hair out of her face, it's color coming back. Gorgeous green eyes peaked slightly through her lids after a few seconds. She looked directly at him.

"Castle?" she spoke softly, her voice hoarse from thirst.

"Kate!" he almost screamed, unable to hide the sheer and utter glee from his voice. "You're awake!"

"Yeah..." she replied, a look of confusion on her face.

He looked up at the ceiling, smiling incessantly. His voice filled with joy, he whispered quietly to whoever had listened to him. "Thank you."

**Hoped you liked it :) If you don't believe in God, this wasn't written to somehow subliminally convert you to a religion or anything, I just thought it would be a cool situation for Castle to be in when he's lost all hope just to show that he would do anything for her.**

**Anyways, please let me know what you think. Good, bad, ugly or even uglier, I don't care I just love feedback!**

**Thanks all, have a fantastic weekend. Love you all!**

**~Sarah**


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